predator vs. prey

your body is an animal at heart,
and the animal kingdom is rife
with murder most foul,
from the microscopic to gargantuan,
countless critters battle for supremacy every day.
there’s a reason we have so many metaphors for human behavior
about predators and prey.
and because history is written by the winners,
we mostly celebrate the clever brave strong hunters
searching out elusive, wily or featherheaded game.

in the animal world of the body,
you’d better pay attention to these roles.
being held down by someone
who gets off on your struggling
teaches your animal self
that you are prey.
holding someone down,
deliberately hurting them, and
taking what you want by force
turns you into a predator.

for prey, fear is the only thing
that has a chance in hell of keeping them alive.
it’s clear as day, how a rabbit freezes instantly
as a hawk’s shadow skims over –
its tiny eye a brimming cup
from which tears fear to fall,
thin, furry haunches trembling
terrified to betray a sign of life –
its only hope is not to catch
the triumphant, hot yellow gaze
of the stooping hawk
stretching out gleaming talons
cruel curved beak gaping in a grim
mockery of a grin
as it dives, screaming with joy
in anticipation of the kill.

likewise, anyone who’s been preyed upon
by someone who claims to love you
or is tethered to you
by bonds of blood or obligation –
birth certificates, marriage licenses –
knows how to cry silently.
because predators have no mercy –
if the hunter sighting on a target
ever truly gazed into the luminous
and limpid pools of light
that live in the eyes of a deer,
the shot could not fail to miss the heart –
and being caught is so much worse
when you survive each attack.
if you live to cry another day,
you may try to find someone
weaker than you,
someone you could take
if it came down to a fight.
but humans have so many weapons:
strong muscles, crushing weight,
sharp nails and sharper words,
withering, wounding,
planting the seeds of hatred
and self-doubt that grow to loom-
ing forests of dark thoughts in the rich loam
of your unexamined soul.

because if you have ever felt like prey,
steeped your animal body long enough
in that elemental terror,
the only thing that stills the fear
is to become a predator yourself,
in a vain effort to kill
the tiny, trembling part of you
that once was helpless,
that had no choice
but to live in fear of being hurt
with no strategy but escape.
inside every predator is a prey animal denied –
sick of hiding, sick of hurting –
who wants to be on the blunt end
of the stick this time.

but.
there will always be
another animal in the jungle
who is stronger than you.
stalking and killing
whatever pitiful prey you can find
can’t protect you from
the predator above you
preying upon you
to obtain a moment’s respite
from the fear that haunts their dreams.

I’ve been preyed upon, and
hurt others because of it –
the desperate, feral lashing out
of a wounded animal caught in a trap
who bites the one who tries to free it –
but I propose a paradigm shift.
humanity can choose to rise above
the petty daily struggles,
the crushing drama that consumes us.
We don’t need to beat nor be beaten.
transcend your animal nature,
gentle your body to tranquility
and meet me in the soul planes
on the wide, free plains of the mind
which knows neither fear nor death.

left vs. right

I want you to my right, but I need you on my left.
There’s science behind it and it’s legit.
When you sit on my far right side, I cannot see you,
not really.  You are a flickering ghost
half-visible out of the corners of my eyes,
one of which doesn’t work (right) and never has.
It’s not so much a massive blind spot
as a colorless, invisible mist; things happen there,
but they’re not real, they don’t register,
I can’t respond properly, as if I’m half-dreaming.

My hearing has a similar deficit,
so I’ll never be able to understand what you said
that time you spoke only into my right ear,
your words falling meaningless as rain.
That ear’s an empty shell, a whorl
of ornate spirals leading nowhere, no loving heart
or understanding mind lies at the other end,
it holds nothing but oceanic whispers
and salt-wracked loneliness.
Whatever nothing lies behind it has
as much understanding of secrets –
and cares as little for the mysterious
motives of humans – as a hermit crab.
So if you really don’t want anyone
to hear or remember, tell it into my dead right ear.
Your secret’s permanently safe with me.
Maybe it’s buried in my subconscious
and will surface in my dreams,
a long lost wreck lifted into the light at last.

I’ll probably misinterpret it anyway, don’t worry.

When you sit on my left, you are present,
almost too present to bear – unexpected,
like the best and worst gifts –
I see your true colors and can’t help but apprehend you,
you are corporeal, solid to the touch.
This is frightening;
after all, my left side is so weak and damaged.
I broke my left arm twice and my left leg once, growing up,
within the same year and a half.
So I like to keep you on the right,
safely in the dream world,
until I get to know your pressure points,
in case we start to go too fast, and I have to put the brakes on.

The left dares to presume too much; it can’t behave.
It wants to grab your arm excitedly,
touch your hand inquisitively,
a dumb ape wondering what this other ape feels like,
a mindless body hoping your body might like mine and vice versa –
the braille’d texture of my skin, the round coldness of my arm,
meeting the electric/al resistance of your muscles –
a collection of pheromones wondering if we are compatible,
bacteria trying to decide if we like the taste of this new colony.
My daring left side would stare right into your eyes
as if to find the answer for everyone who’s ever hurt me
with leers from eyes that color,
mocked me using a voice with that timbre,
laughing a laugh like that at my expense;
and everyone who will hurt me in the future
by reminding me much too much of you.

If you’re to my right I can contain you,
a neat and tidy little ghost in your dream world,
keep you safe in a box full of other half-seen expressions,
with all the eye contact I never quite made –
the times I looked at your ear instead of your eyes
to stop myself from drowning in them –
all the things I cannot bear to watch
for fear they’ll disappoint me,
all the secrets I may never be ready to hear.
They are packed too thick with sorrows, and
my heart can’t make room for any more.

platonic

for SK

You take the words right
out of my brain, and into your mouth—
I can hear you tasting them like the caramel
coins of some unfamiliar candy currency.

Myself, reversed. What was light in me
is heavy in you, obscured. The North pole
and the South, flipped unexpectedly,
must feel much as we do.

And Socrates would be proud of us,
as we work the seam that marks where we
were torn apart at incarnation,
we are Platonic in the Truth of it.

the glass sellers

Venetian glass-sellers:
the blond boy, crewcut and Germanically
ruddy, bulbous-eyed,
leaning back in his chair,
tilting his head at you,
the glass girl, fifteen or less,
long brown limbs
loosely arranged like straight-
blown rods in a vase,
your almost stylish red-brown hair
swinging downward as you look into
your red-and-blue lap,
though his washed bottle
ones are fixed on you
unremittingly, as if bending
the force of a will upon you,
and I sense some strange coercion there,
some resignation on your part,
unwilling forgiveness –
though what this sixteen-year-old
cocky one could have done is beyond me,
unless it’s having been blown wrong –
and as you stand up
he takes hold of your brown
grasshopper arm, pulling,
and you just stand there
for the minute it takes me
to walk around the side of the building
to where I can look back
through the arch and continue spying,
your sad and disbelieving
dark-amber head
tilted as if to say don’t look at me that way,
and then I witness
the slow dissolution of your resistance,
(that weakened ache in the bone
that I know so intimately)
sinking forward and down to
an elbowy, reserved embrace
that nevertheless goes on for
quite a while – I look
back fully five minutes later
and you are still frozen
in that cold position
you are fused, the dark glass of your hair
flowing into the glazed
white of his shirt.

on reading this name somewhere with poetry

Marvin Bell – your sonorous name,
ringing and rattling my stiff little heart –
I dash myself against your rock-like unknownness,
I might break again on the pocked reef of your smile.
How can I write and feel this towards you,
when you are so exquisitely alien?
But by the force of your pine-tree, your delicate name
you press upon me all the weight of the brain’s
obscure longings, and sighing I press through the cracks
to meet the imagined you,
bearer of sweet names in a year of cold outcomes.

Tomorrow I will read your poetry and your small biography –
the old birth-year, the colleges my friends might have gone to,
the wife and children to whom I have no connection at all –
I will peer through your window and examine your countenance
like one smudged in a yearbook, that we watch for some small opening,
some hint in the blur to tell why we twitched.
No matter what you say to me in your stanzas,
(for I will take every line as a personal address)
in what power or grace, in what coldness or ecstasy,
I will not know you then as we know the imagined;
I will not love you then as we love the unreal.