to my therapist, who’s also not helping

I understand why you told me
to do that thing, but it’s no
good. I didn’t do it
and I’m not going to. there’s no point.
I need to face facts
and accept the reality
of what I cannot change.
asking why
is an exercise in futility
that will only lead
to even more
awkwardness. anyway
there’s no explaining chemistry
or lack thereof. why put him
on the spot when
there’s no good answer
to be had?

really at this point I feel
like the only thing
he could say that would make
everything all right
is “I lied before. I do
love you and want you.

(you’re not ugly, worthless,
broken and/or fundamentally
unlovable)

the real reason
I’ve been pretending
it’s not gonna happen
is because I’m afraid I’ll let
you down.”

my expecting that
to happen is like thinking
a damn Pegasus will just canter up
and invite me telepathically
to go for a ride. all my wishing
and hoping can’t
make the impossible
come true. so please, stop
enabling my madness.

Published by

R. Brookes McKenzie

what fresh hell is this

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