how you hate me now

when you seemed so sorry
that no one else wanted to come
out bowling on Sunday night,
it made me feel like
it was disappointing to be
stuck with stupid old me.
how you hate me now?

when I took on
a big new project
that I was simultaneously
extremely excited about
and hideously terrified of fucking up,
and you seemed less than enthused
by the prospect of participation
it made me feel like
I didn’t matter and
you’d rather make fun of me
for caring about something
you didn’t care for
than support me
in my scary endeavor. I’m not saying
you have to love it, but
it’s important to me and
I thought maybe that I might be a little bit
important to you.
how you hate me now?

you know I have a stack of kindling
in my mind marked “reasons I’m
inadequate” piled up
next to the burning trash fire
that is my endless self-loathing.
please, please, please
stop adding more fuel. I’ve already
got enough to last me for
the rest of my life.