the nun

I had just about decided
to join a convent. I was
giving up on the idea
of having a relationship
other than the intimate one I have
with my personal saboteurs,
those voices who live
inside my head. the eternal flame
that is my hope of love
was guttering out.

and then suddenly
things changed. I’m not
good with change. I tend
to cling to the past, and worry
about the future.

in my dreams lately
everything
is apocalyptic. my body
d i s i n t e g r a t e s
over and over, and houses are
threateningly
empty.

I’ll try to take off
this habit, put down my
beads, back away from
the hymnal. but it might take a
little time to get those hymns
and all the sermons
out of my head.