cognitive dissonance

how is it that my wild, wily
heart can hold so many
conflicting feelings
at the same time,
and contradict itself
with every beat? riddle me

I think of you and feel such a
fond tenderness for our
newness, the excitement of
life reborn, the elemental power
of green plants growing,
plants pollinating, trees bursting
with sap. but all this rapid,
rampant growth comes at a price.
old, dead plants and thoughts
and habits must be ripped up
by the roots, to make way for their
successors. that pain of
an old wound inadvertantly
reopened, one that I thought
fully healed, but now I see that
I only understood that time
in my parents’ life from
the outside looking in.

at the same time, I think of him
and still feel a twinge
of that longing that lived in me
for so long, like the ghost
of an echo, like someone’s
empty seashell calling softly
from another world, like the strings
of a harp plucked so often
that it resounds still, though
no one plays and
no one listens, a lonely song
heard only by the angels
in a room silent as a tomb.
such ineffable sadness still
speaks to me, but I know
that even my mixed-up heart
can’t hold on to it

Published by

R. Brookes McKenzie

what fresh hell is this

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