pivot

there are certain moments
in conversation when
time seems to stop.

I hear myself
as if someone else
is speaking, I feel how
an invisible hourglass has been
upended, and everything
pivots around it.

I remember these
tiny slices of time
as if they were
insects in amber;
my stupidity
vanity
half-truths and
incomplete admissions are
eternally captured, enshrined
for me to dissect
regret
cringe over
etc
forever.

I think those are
the moments
when part of me disagrees
with what I’m saying, when
there are other words,
other feelings
bubbling
beneath the surface
that I dare not
look too closely at, and
for a split second I
want to say something
else – but there’s a vibe
in the air that tells me
now is not the time, and
I obey it.

but for some time after
I’ll be wondering
what would have happened
had I taken
the other path.