free advice, postmortem only

if you have a dilemma,
we will tell you six ways
from Sunday all the things
you could do, but
it won’t be until after
whatever it is goes down
that we’ll really be able
to roll up our sleeves.

so be sure not to
close the barn door until all
your horses are gone,
and we’ll be sure
to let you know
exactly how and wherefore
you should have closed that
damn door before any of them
set hoof outside.

if you had come to us
last week, equines safe and sound, it
would have been all Sting quotes – singing
“If You Love Somebody” at you –
and Douglas Adams references – when they
invent the Babel fish, we can
ask the horses what they want! – and
those kind of jokes that
maybe didn’t really
take your problem as seriously
as a less creative person
might, but instead used it as a springboard
for a multitude of hilarious quips and
fascinating philosophical reveries.

in our defense, we insist
that only after the fact
does the correct course of action
become clear. our crystal ball seems
to exist neither here nor there, but always

sorry, man. guess you get
what you paid for.

Published by

R. Brookes McKenzie

what fresh hell is this

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