the dangers of overclocking

I’m sorry
if I was too much
the other night. I was
trying to run away from
a short day full of
self-fulfilling prophecies,
chased by a headache
that I feared would ride me
like a demon all night, I
was tired and felt so weak
but I had to perform, I
had to be ON, so
I pumped up
all that energy
and couldn’t hold it,
whenever anyone spoke to me
all I could do was turn the firehose on them:
wake up
wake up
wake up
be on
be on
be on

was all I could think
and I didn’t even know
how to modulate it
so I was too awake,
too wired,
too on to be normal.

in retrospect I was
full-on obnoxious.
sorry. can’t say
I’ll be any better next time,
but at least maybe I
can be aware of it.

Open Mic Life II

I didn’t want to go
to the mic tonight. I felt
hopeless, unloved
and unlovable, alienated
and alone. but I made myself go out
anyway. at first I tried to avoid
interactions but people kept
talking to me and eventually
I got so caught up
in the exchange of dialogue,
feelings, and energies
with everyone that I almost forgot
to despair quite
as much and I ‘fessed up
to being sad
and why and I got some
good advice. some of my friends
commiserated and told how
they too had been having a rough
time lately, and I felt bad for them
and a little bit comforted
myself. another friend told me I
was being ridiculous and he
laughed at my melodramatic self and I laughed
at my overly emo self and things weren’t
so bleak. they were there
for me and I was there
for them and it almost felt
like I wasn’t dead
yet.

and even though I was
late as usual and
walked in when
they were calling the names
and I got #41, a bunch
of people left and so
I still got 7 minutes
and the host said they had
been missing me
and were glad
I was back, and even though
I got cut off and
fucked up on my
second song
because I was nervous,
I was so, so glad I came out
to the mic tonight.