Taz

you don’t understand. when I said
I loved your t-shirt
with the cartoon of Taz on the front,
what I loved about it was seeing it
on you. it was your wearing of it
that made it adorable. in and of
itself, it’s just an elderly, faded, silly
piece of cloth.

that is why,
while I appreciate your gesture
in leaving it in the closet
when you moved out
your stuff, I must sadly
give it back. I will never
wear it, because I can’t see
the ridiculous graphic
on myself, and seeing it hanging dead
in the closet just makes
me remember a time
when I smiled to see you
with pure affection, like a child
that is someone else’s
problem.

so please, take back your Taz.
he deserves to be
happy too.

the poet’s eye

for a long time I stopped
thinking of myself as a poet,
calling myself a writer,
or trying to look at the world
through a poet’s eye. many years
went by in silence, blindness
and deliberate unknowing.

but lately
I have revived
my old writing bones,
resurrected my dead poet’s
eye, and now I see things
that before I wouldn’t have
noticed: the restaurant
called Caravan of Dreams;
how the purple blooms
of the pansies planted
outside a building in my neighborhood
look like tiny screaming faces;
the record cover reading,
“Can’t We Just Start Over”
or something like that. I didn’t
write this poem quickly enough
so already I’ve forgotten
the exact wording.

let that be
a lesson to me. practice
seeing like a poet, rehearse
being a writer
until it comes as naturally
as breathing, lest the strange
and beautiful sights and sounds
you’re surrounded by
pass you by.

the fly

I’d rather be
the fly in your ointment
than be a person of little to no
consequence. I’d rather be
difficult, challenging, weird, even ugly
and alive, than a perfect, lifeless
China doll, empty inside, reflecting only
what you want to hear.

I’ll be the one
to shake up your comfortable
brain and turn it into
a snowglobe. I’ll turn your
assumptions upside down,
rummage through your
mind pockets for ideas,
shake the thoughts
out of you.

I’ll fight to the death
backing an argument I’m not even
one hundred percent
convinced of myself,
because I’d rather disagree with you
and learn something in the process
than agree boringly
with anyone else.

competition

it’s a contest
that is open for anyone,
but no one else I know
is doing it. nobody is keeping score,
it is you competing
against yourself, and
by the way? you’re winning.
seeing you doing so much
makes me want to try
harder, to do more, to pull out
all the stops, to drive myself
to new heights, and coincidentally
to beat you.

this is just one of the
many ways
you make me want
to be better. to think more
of how I can help others,
and less about myself,
to look for ways to be more
creative, to get up and
go outside
once in a while
before night time,
to use my body and my mind
to express a certain
range of motion, to stretch
and strive and challenge myself
to live, damn it, instead of
accepting my slow death,
the one that I can feel coming
from a long way away
like a tsunami, that makes me want
to lie down in its path
and say sayonara
right now. but
I guess I have plenty of time
to sleep when I’m dead,
and to die when that crushing wave
gets quite a bit closer. to quote
Dorothy Parker, “might as well
live.”

expeditions

I would go to the Himalayas
and tramp through the snow
with a sherpa carrying my luggage
on his head, searching for the footprints
of the mysterious and elusive yeti
that is your love. I would hike
through the densely wooded
forests of the Pacific Northwest,
braving the killer mosquitos,
looking for the coarse hair tufts
of the big hairy Sasquatch
that is as obscure and cryptic
as your feelings. I would look
in the mountains of Borneo,
chasing the mystical half-ape,
half-orangutan that is as mythical
and fabricated as your
heart. I would do all of this gladly,
without a qualm, rather than dare
to ask you a single personal thing
to your face.

to the server at my favorite venue, who always buys me a shot

why do you do this? I am always
on the verge of
getting drunk
anyway, the last thing I need
is a shot, which I am not sure
how it gets paid for,
but I feel bad
if it comes out of
your pocket. that said,
I hardly ever
say no. a free (to me)
shot is a free shot, after all,
even if I sip it. thank you
for thinking of me.

cupcakegate

yes, I’m still mad
about the cupcake incident.
it’s extremely stupid and yet
it was very rude and
upsetting. who would have thunk
a sweet little thing like that
could cause so much harm,
and make things so awful
that I wish you would disappear
from the scene forever? so
do me a favor, would you, and
stay away?

no. it’s no use. if you
were the kind of person
who respected others,
you wouldn’t have done that thing
with the fucking cupcake
to begin with.

The Mill

somewhere
far away and long ago
there is a mill that sits
by a stream. in what seems like
a grievous oversight on the part
of the builders, there’s no
water wheel, just a man
and an ass
who take turns
to move the big stone wheel
turn by turn around
to ground the wheat down
into flour.

upstairs in the mill, a lonely lady sighs
and sits by the window and watches
as the miller grinds away
down below. she is pale and listless
and always so endlessly
tired, though she does nothing
to earn her rest. her only task
is to be quiet and watch
and report any irregularities
to her father, who owns
the mill. she reads books
until her eyes close of their own
accord, and every so often
she writes secretly
about what she can see
of the world outside
her window’s bounds.

she often wonders
what it would be like to work all day
in the hot sun and fresh
air, to feel the burn
and stretch of her muscles
and to be able to sit
on the bank of the stream
and dangle her feet
in the icy, green water, watching
the minnows gleam
silver beneath the rippling
currents. would she then
sleep deeply, without those
fitful, feverish dreams
that haunt her? would the rough fare
the miller eats taste better
with the sauce of honest hard labor
than the fine-ground grain
of the lavish pastries and confections
sent over by the staff
at her father’s mansion?

are her limbs so listless
from stifling her rage?
is her head so heavy and her eyes
clouded with tears
from all the times
she held her tongue
when being told
to do as she was told?

the sun has set, the miller rests
with a clear conscience
after having done his hard
day’s work. the lady, too, lays
down but sleep will not come
so easily to her. her mind is weary
of daydreams and full of questions
with no answers. the donkey thinks
not at all. who’s the happiest
under that roof?

grist

on days like this
when all of my being and senses
are useless and dull, the very air
tasteless and thick
as grey porridge, and my body
and mind are lumpy, lumpen clay,
with no spark, wit,
spirit or daemon
to infect my useless mud golem
and make it walk and talk
and pretend
to be a real living creature, I offer
whatever part of me
can strike a spark in you.

so be sure to
grind me up fine, and
check for chaff – because
on days like today I feel like
that’s all there is – and crunch up
my bones well, to transform my useless grist
to good and tasty bread,
sift me, sieve me, strain me
til I’m smaller and
finer and
better.

today’s a wasted
day for me,
but I’m glad it was not so
for you. you made some nice cakes
from my coarse
corn meal.