that you’re wrong,
shall I count them?
I would lose track,
they’re so multitudinous.
in fact, I shan’t even deign
to answer your latest
pathetic attempt to throw me
off the track and
under the bus.
such obvious bullshit
doesn’t deserve
the dignity of my response.
rest assured that I know
every single way
that you’re full of it.
as far as I know, you
have never read my music page
in the newsletter for which
I write, let alone
offered me feedback.
(you did happen to be
instrumental
in my obtaining
this unpaid labor of love,
but still.)
my album has been out
for over six weeks, but
you have yet to have
a listen, even though
it’s free to stream.
(you being notoriously
unwilling to spend one red cent
unless it’s to your
immediate advantage.
or shall we say, frugal
and good at living within
your limited means?)
either way,
when you claim
that I am being unfair
and cruelly callous
by unfollowing your blog,
I say, sir, that you simply
haven’t a single leg
to stand on.
let me at her. I’ll
scratch her eyes
out! I love all women,
except this one, who is clearly
a megabitch. she must be
perfect in every way
and therefore phony
as the day is long.
I bet
she’s eight feet tall
with feet that somehow
don’t look like skis.
I bet she naturally
has a double row
of eyelashes
like Liz Taylor. I bet she
rolls out of bed looking
adorably rumpled
and her farts smell like
fresh-baked cookies.
for once
I may sleep the sleep
of the righteous. I
got up at nine in
the morning and worked
at something all day.
though truth be told
my labor was mostly
in the financial backing
and oversight capacities
than in the physical realm. I only
carried two boxes. but
several hours leaning
over a sink did
take their toll.
wow. clearly someone
has made quite the
impression on you.
well, goody goody gumdrops
for you. and good
for her, if she even
gets it, what a
powerful intellect and savage wit
she’s got hopelessly
pining after her, or what
lyrical flights of fancy
she’s inspired.
I turned off notifications
for your posts because
I no longer know
what you’re talking about –
and let’s face it, even when
we talked almost
every day and hung out
all the time, when I
thought I knew
what you were talking about
I was more often wrong
than not, often to my own
great distress – and that
makes me a little
sad.
no longer will I
notice when you haven’t
posted anything for
three days and wonder
if you are okay.
you’re okay. maybe
you always were,
and didn’t need me
to worry about you.
either way, it’s no
longer my concern.
maybe
it never was.
he is mysterious and brooding.
he came from nowhere and to
nowhere he shall return.
he moves silent as a cat,
witch-dark, and stares
with a pitiless amber gaze
like a hawk soaring high
above the clouds.
I was already late
to your show,
having survived a
white-knuckle Via ride
where I was mentally
nudging the traffic
the whole way;
eking down 5th Avenue
at a snail’s pace,
with a cranky driver
and far too many
pickups and dropoffs.
every minute past
the hour was another piece
I was missing. or so I
thought.
I’m sorry
if I was too much
the other night. I was
trying to run away from
a short day full of
self-fulfilling prophecies,
chased by a headache
that I feared would ride me
like a demon all night, I
was tired and felt so weak
but I had to perform, I
had to be ON, so
I pumped up
all that energy
and couldn’t hold it,
whenever anyone spoke to me
all I could do was turn the firehose on them:
wake up
wake up
wake up
be on
be on
be on
was all I could think
and I didn’t even know
how to modulate it
so I was too awake,
too wired,
too on to be normal.
in retrospect I was
full-on obnoxious.
sorry. can’t say
I’ll be any better next time,
but at least maybe I
can be aware of it.
the headache is
your best friend. it’s
with you in the morning
when you fall into an exhausted
uneasy slumber; it’s with you
when you wake in the late
afternoon filled with self-loathing
and guilt. every time
you move your head, the headache
reminds you that your
body is unhappy with you
and your choices. the headache
thinks you need
to try something different,
perhaps. it says
maybe alcohol and
cigarettes and constant,
constant cat hair and
spring pollen and lack
of exercise and very few
green vegetables are all
bad choices if you want
your body to like you
and to give you another friend
besides the neverending
headache.
R. Brookes McKenzie 