the sticker

I’m so glad
I never got around
to putting your sticker –
your very popular, instantly
recognizable, well known sticker –
on any of my instruments or
other possessions. after the
falling out we had – entirely
due to your reprehensible actions,
I might add – looking at it would
make me sick. you said
you did what you did
to me and not other people
because I would forgive you
right away, and other people might
hold a grudge. boy, you were wrong
about that. I will hold this grudge
till the end of the world
and beyond, just to prove
you wrong. fuck you, and fuck
your stupid sticker.

how to drive a girl “crazy”

1) if you like her, never admit it.
2) if she makes a move, reject her.
3) hang out as much as possible.
4) be very nice but maintain
plausible deniability.
5) if she objects to any of this,
tell her she’s the crazy one.
6) act happy for her when she
meets someone who’s not afraid
to tell her how he feels.
7) die alone.